Rating: Granny

You know, Swears and Drinks and Drinks the Good Stuff should know better than to get together without us…

(Oh, I don’t think this can be read in one sitting; it can be said in one sitting but otherwise, it is way too long…)

Mrs. Thong: Are you there?

Cheap Sweet Wine: Hey girlfriend! I am.

MT: Haven’t been on all day except to post.

CSW: I haven’t talked to anyone either.

MT: So, what is up with you? What did you get done today? Grin.

CSW: Not a thing. I decided it was a conspiracy that no one was online today so *I* would not be distracted. Lessee… I got my room done and most of the laundry. Lot of paperwork and a lot of depression when it hit me that I have to clean the fridge and freezer for the movers.

Hey is it the weekend? Cause I said I wasn’t drinking until then, but… Laughing.

MT: Grin … I was contemplating a margarita myself.

CSW: OH! Love it. I’m back with Gewurz… not spelled correctly I’m sure.

MT: I looked for that yesterday…. don’t have it at my store.

CSW: What about the grocery? I mean, it’s just at my regular grocery. Do you like sweet or more dry wines? No idea why I’m asking… I’ll tell you the Fetzer is dry and you’ll get it and say “Sweet!”

MT: Grin.

CSW: Well, DTGS likes it. I guess that’s a recommendation. Although she recommended Nobilo and I can’t drink that to save my life. Okay, I did drink it once and didn’t remember a bloomin’ thing the next day.

MT: I lean toward sweet.

CSW: Me too. But not as sweet as strawberry wine?

MT: I have just finally admitted to myself that I don’t like reds. No, not that sweet. Laughing. Hang on, getting booze. Too lazy for margarita — Pinot Grigio.

CSW: Does it matter the label too much? I guess it does. HOW do you know good wine, for crying out loud?

MT: Wanna know my two favorites? Grin.

CSW: Yes, I do!

MT: Don’t you dare tell those two wine snob friends of ours.

CSW: Puh-leeze. If you’re doing anything above strawberry wine, you’re golden.

MT: They are both Reuniti lables. Laughing.

CSW: See? I don’t even know that’s supposed to be bad. I guess they’re just cheaper and popular?

MT: Uh, yeah; just one notch above wine in a box.

CSW: Laughing OUT Loud.

CSW: I have been told that Principato Rosato, served at the Olive Garden, is supposedly good and it’s mostly cheap. Hey, isn’t there a song… Reuniti makes you feel so nice, or something like that? Grin.

MT: The advertisement jingle, from the commercials.

CSW: That’s as much of wine as I know. Commercials. If I didn’t have help, I’d be drinking freeze-dried coffee too. I seriously lack class. I just try to hide it.

MT: Yeah, Swears and Drinks and Drinks the Good Stuff have not been good for my pocket book; they got me hooked on good tea. And my Amazon bill tripled.

CSW: No. Kidding. But I bought the freakin’ expensive teapot. And the expensive tea and I STILL DON’T LIKE IT. I think I’m hopeless.

MT: Laughing. Which pot? The one with the gold filter?

CSW: Hmm… you would ask. Yes, definitely a gold filter. I was NOT worthy of a gold filter. But I own it. Because *I* have more money than sense.

MT: Laughing. I have always liked tea…. just was blissfully unaware that what I drank was the crap of the tea world.

CSW: Lipton’s?

MT: Yep; dh still uses Lipton’s for his iced. Even though I bought him some lovely loose Irish Breakfast.

CSW: Who doesn’t? That’s good stuff. Grin. I freak DTGS out with sweet tea. I’m thinking, what do you EXPECT? I was raised in the South!

MT: Laughing. I know, in the big pitcher A. uses two cups of sugar! (He is from TN)

CSW: And with a gold filter… I mean, what’s not to love? Don’t all rough and ready men wake up and think, “Ah. Lovely loose Irish breakfast tea in a gold filter…”

Rating: Granny….if she wears a sari.

Swears and Drinks is at my home for a visit and she brought her children for me to corrupt….I mean educate. It is such a joy when children reach an age where when they ask a question you can say, “You really don’t want to know the answer.” And then, when they persist in badgering you for an answer….you give it to them. [very big grin]. Swears and Drinks’ eldest has reached just such an age and BOY did she come to the right house to get an education.

Lesson #1. Swears and Drink’s eldest was watching a TV program when an offhand remark was made regarding breast implants. This remark was made while S&D’s and my children were watching TV, S&D, myself and Cheap Sweet Wine were both on the phone and in instant message conversation. (You can never have too much communication among girlfriends) S&D’s eldest proceeds to LAUNCH on a tirade about how disgusting and gross and horrible breast implants are. This caused all three adult women who were privy to this little rant by the young know-it-all to nearly choke with laughter knowing that one of us…cough…and indeed the MOTHER of said opinionated young teenaged girl… had herself a pair of those gross, disgusting, and horrible devices surgically implanted some years ago. And of course, since we were on IM in addition to the phone we could have ourselves a lovely discussion without any possibility whatsoever of being overheard. (I love technology.)

A little while later this young lady was being counseled by her mother about the wisdom of tempering such deeply held opinions or at least not expressing them with such vehemence when she isn’t sure of the audience. Ms. Know-it-all looked her mother squarely in the eye and said, “Well it isn’t as if YOU have them so what’s the big deal?” (This of course leads to the inescapable conclusion that even in the eyes of young children that the idea of me having implants is patently absurd.) At this point Swears and Drinks looks at her eldest child and said “Oh really? You know that for sure do you?” [grin] It’s so much fun yanking the rug out from under someone who knows for sure they are standing on the bare floor.

Lesson #2 Swears and Drinks has a bit of a love affair with Indian food. I don’t mean this in a symbolic way. S&D lives in a place where Taco Bell is considered good Mexican food and Indian is quite simply out of the question. When she comes to my house, a visit to one of the local Indian eateries is essential. So this afternoon we were at a most excellent Indian and reminiscing about S&D’s first experience with Indian food. S&D’s eldest wanted to know what we were talking about and I said that her mother had been known to attract attention when eating Indian food. S&D’s eldest was instantly curious. “What do you mean?” she asked. I said, “You really don’t want to know.” Stupid child. She insisted that she wanted to know and she’s old enough to hear the answer rather than have me live through the pestering. So I said, “Have you ever watched ‘When Harry Met Sally’?” “No.” S&D chimes in “Do you know that shampoo commercial where the woman is moaning while she is washing her hair….?” S&D’s eldest’s expression clearly indicated puzzlement. So I stepped in (my specialty) and said, “When your mother eats good Indian food she makes noises typically associated with extreme enjoyment of conjugal relations.” It’s really too bad we didn’t have video camera because as much fun as it would be to document a case of S&D “going Indian” it would have been even more fun to document that face made by her eldest…jaw hitting (denting even) the table, eyebrows shooting up well into her hairline, and a deep and thorough blush.

I did mention to her that the next time I tell her she doesn’t want to know something, she might consider believing me.

Rating: Bikini

Swears and Drinks: Hey Ladies.

Cheap Sweet Wine: Hola.

Mrs. Thong: Hi!

S&D: This parish here… I bet there is NO WAY God would let us move here.

CSW: Now wait a minute. You’re not in Catholic mecca anymore are you? I’m not following.

S&D: Nope, we are in the city with perpetual adoration at the parish AND four hours of scheduled confession. Honey, I toured the church today. And talked to the head of the bulding committee which also happened to be my realtor and girl.friend. We ALL want to live here. Trust me on this.

Irish priest. VERY VERY conservative.

CSW: He’s just gonna move once you get there. Catholic karma.

S&D: He just got here within the last two years and LOVES it here.

CSW: So did *my* friend in C_____… sounding vaguely familiar…

S&D: Shut. up. (sob)

CSW: Grinning. He does sound excellent. I want him. (Can you say that about a priest?)

S&D: Well I just had to delete ‘I’d have his babies.”

MT: Laughing.

CSW: Oh. Man. That priest on the coke commercial. (CMGW). Be still my heart.

S&D: Laughing.

MT: That was funny! Father Whatawaste.

S&D/CSW: Rolling.

CSW: Hysterical, wasn’t it? Don’t ask me how many times I’ve watched it.

S&D: Seriously, small parish. Who would’a thunk it but un.real. parish. Seriously active. Honestly my best reaction is “I’m SO not worthy” to borrow a great line from a friend.

CSW: I am going downright quotable. People have been using purpose driven drinking. I have GOT to trademark that. Laughing. I‘m gonna put it on the forums.

MT/S&D: Laughing.

CSW: I don’t care if they trace my ass all the way back to CMGW.

S&D: LOLOL

MT: Speaking of CMGW….

CSW: Yes? Need an edit?

MT: Maybe a few details…?

CSW: I’m a dork. But… I don’t think it matters.

S&D: I love you to pieces, you change, I hunt you down.

MT: You have a gift for witty comedy.

CSW: I have a gift for putting my foot in my mouth. It works.

S&D: Not. (said the woman who said she’d pay money to see *CSW* in the room with the Pope a la GWB)

CSW: Every thing I say sounds like I’m asking you to sleep with me.

S&D/MT: Rolling.

CSW: We really *are* good friends.

S&D: What do I have to do (singing) to make you sleep with me… um… talk? Laughing.

S&D: One of the ladies tonight at dinner said ‘I love your stories, you are so animated.’

CSW: *What* were you eating?

S&D: Howling. I said “Thank you” and thought “You aren’t the first to say that.”

MT: Rolling.

S&D: Salad; praise God. She has no. i.dea.

CSW: I am so laughing out loud.

S&D: You want ANIMATED? Got Indian?

MT: Meg Ryan. When Harry Met Sally.

CSW: Totally enjoy that scene.

MT: One of the best scenes of all time.

S&D: Absolutely.

CSW: How do you think I learned to fake … inhaling?

S&D/MT: Laughing!

MT: Thought you didn’t need to fake. Grin.

— Salacious bits removed to protect much loved husbands –

Yeah, “If you have to ask, baby, I didn’t have one.”

No. kidding. It doesn’t HAVE to happen all the time.

No, it doesn’t. But if it’s a pattern, DO. Something.

Although someone said something recently about if you couldn’t do so and so for 20 minutes (talking about sex) like that was a minimum and I didn’t say anything but I was thinking DAMN 20 whole minutes? Man I wanna be YOU when I grow up.

I can honestly say I’ve never faked one. I figure if I do he won’t try any harder than he is.

Hilarious.

Sex for 20 minutes? Is that what they were saying?

Yeah or foreplay or something …

Catholic Church and my peak? It’s been ….

You GO girl.

DO NOT count your money in front of a poor man.

I am howling.

Well, when I do get it…it is GOOD…. but that is just because it is been so long, I can’t remember enough to compare.

HOWLING

---

Site Search Tags: cheap sweet wine, conversation, bikini

Rating: Granny

The following is not coherent. To protect the innocent, we must have it this way. (And also more than half is missing because Yahoo does not preserve the entire conversation if you talk as long as we.)

Cheap Sweet Wine: Oh! Swears and Drinks, guess what I’m drinking and LIKING?

Swears and Drinks: What??

CSW: Fetzer Gewürztraminer. Grinning.

S&D: Oh isn’t that YUMMY? It’s one of my faves.

CSW: It is now. Hated it before. I think I’m going classy on you.

S&D: Grin. That’s how it works girl…

[severely cut-off portion of IM.]

S&D: I’m notorious for embarrassing friends. Cheap Sweet Wine would probably call it “mushrooming.”

Mrs. Thong: Indian?

S&D: Usually in Indian restaurants.

CSW: S&D is embarrassing in public.

S&D: So did you finally get it MT? About the Indian?

MT: Yeah, but trying to figure out “mushrooming…”

S&D: It happened with CSW over Portabello mushrooms on a particularly good steak.

MT: Coming from CSW, I would expect it to be scre…. something else.

CSW: Hilarious.

S&D: Laughing.

CSW: Waitaminute.

MT: Laughing.

S&D: Well that’s what you get, CSW, for not telling the story your own self.

Drinks the Good Stuff: We’ll have to eat Indian in Indiana.

S&D: Yeah, it was the funniest thing. I took a bite of that mushroom and CSW said something… can’t remember what… but she TOTALLY got it.

CSW: It’s on the blog.

DTGS: WHAT is?

CSW: I said, “Not fakin’ that one, are ya?”

DTGS: We need to write up an explanation of “Going Indian.”

S&D: Laughing.

CSW: You should, DTGS. You’ve seen it more times than I.

S&D: I can’t afford to die first in this friendship. It happens every time too. Ya’ll be sittin ’round at my funeral eating chocolate and toasting me with Roederer and laughing at my gastric orgasms.

CSW: We so need to plan a weekend.

S&D: Damn straight hon. And before I move too.

CSW: I know.

S&D: While we are most of us all there (and you fly up DTGS).

DTGS: I don’t think I can sell flying up for W’s initiation into the Church AND a mommy weekend.

S&D: So we’ll make it the same.

DTGS: Good idea.

S&D: You coming MT?

MT: To?

S&D: [State] for W’s initiation and a mommy weekend.

MT: (Yes, but where?)

CSW: Probably I__.

MT: In August?

CSW: Did W say August?

S&D: You aren’t camping in August are ya?

CSW: August is hot.

S&D: No kidding. Umbrella drinks. Grin.

CSW: You should *never* camp. In August.

DTGS: She said August. And I don’t know if she has Indian.

MT: Yes, August.

DTGS: Thai’ll work too though.

S&D: What are you people… those little white birds in Nemo?

CSW: Laughing.

S&D: August. August. August. August.

CSW: Bitch.

S&D: Thank you. Working at it today. I was entirely too good yesterday; ask MT. I’m having a relapse.

CSW: Laughing.

DTGS: Well I am a very, very good girl….on day seven of a fast.

CSW: Now, DTGS was just telling us before you got here that not a single one of us is allowed a SINGLE RELAPSE on the forums.

S&D: Yes you are a very good girl. Snort.

CSW: Whoa. I’m going to be very good. After tonight.

DTGS: You are a good girl, CSW.

CSW: (waiting for other shoe)

MT: Laughing.

DTGS: Your goodness just doesn’t encompass what you eat and drink at the moment.

Drop.

Exit Swears and Drinks.

DTGS: I think I am going to sign out too.

CSW: No…

DTGS: Okay, I will finish this blog post and then see if you two are still talking.

CSW: Whatcha working on?

DTGS: What you told me to write about.

CSW: Oh good. Okay. I’m getting close to drunk.

MT: Me too.

CSW: Oh, what are you drinking?

DTGS: I hate you both. And am coveting your drinks.

CSW: Ha, Ms. Healthy.

MT: Um, I polished off the Reisling and am now on Pinot Grigio.

CSW: Oh. Had that last night too. The party and all.

MT: I am going to get some of that stuff you are drinking next, CSW. It isn’t red, right?

CSW: Try it! No, white. Gewürztraminer.

MT: Okay, don’t like reds.

MT: How old are you two’s dh’s?

CSW: My TWO husbands?

MT: K and J, goofy!

CSW: Oh, sorry. Grin.

MT: Isn’t DTGS still here? I am drunk. I meant S, not J!

CSW: Right. Unsure on S.

DTGS: DTGS is working on her BlOG.

CSW: Cracking up. Too much wine.

MT: Way too much for me.

CSW: I hear you. Just don’t go biting or hitting. You’ll do fine.

MT: A. is pushing ___. He is not into biting or hitting anymore. <sigh> He needs some sort of something.

CSW: If only they would see a doctor!

MT: Won’t ask a) because of fragile male ego, b) because of possibility it is just age, c) because I would probably never get it again.

CSW: Which we *can not* have. There is a reason we drink.

MT: LOL! Ya know…. People say that menstruation and pain in childbirth was EVE’s punishment … the real punishment is that men’s drive would decline just as ours peaks.

CSW: Laughing.

MT: They don’t tell you THAT in Sunday School.

CSW: That is hilarious; thank God for Viagra then.

DTGS: They don’t call it the missionary position for nothin’.

CSW/MT: Rolling.

CSW: I bet some testosterone would help. I mean, that drops off too.

MT: Where can I buy that? Mexico?

DTGS: No, they have a patch for testosterone; don’t they?

MT: It was a joke.

DTGS: Oh sorry; shutting up now.

MT: Laughing.

CSW: I think they have something.

MT: I wondered at that dead silence, there.

CSW: Sorry had an email at that moment. Seriously, I’d google it. Get him a test. Of course, I could just be peaking.

DTGS: For which your husband is still young enough to be grateful.

CSW: Laughing. Uh. Yeah. He thinks the Catholic church did something to me.

MT: You were _____ before?

CSW: Laughing. Yeah.

DTGS: It did….didn’t it?

MT: It probably did!

DTGS: And I’m thinking he’s not at all ungrateful… Rolling.

CSW: He tells me that I am a Very Good Catholic Girl. Er, no. He is not ungrateful.

MT: Okay. My monitor just about got a mouthful of wine on it. Rolling.

CSW: Do not waste the wine.

DTGS: You two are too funny; I only wish I has some wine to go with yours.

MT: So…. did I tell you two my martial arts news?

CSW: No. Tell.

DTGS: No…do tell.

MT: I will be testing in front of the Grandmaster for my black belt in a few months.

CSW: Amazing!

DTGS: Wonderful!!

CSW: I had no idea you were so… impressive.

DTGS: No kidding.

MT: My current teacher has been great about progressing me and giving me credit for what I already know.

DTGS: Just think of the places we can go if she’s with us.

CSW: Downtown Chicago baby.

MT: Not impressive.

CSW: That’s great, MT. My friend can eat you.

DTGS: Well I am impressed.

CSW: I am too.

MT: Laughing: “My friend can eat you.”

CSW: Well, really.

MT: I have been working toward this for 20 years. I went to a seminar yesterday on Korean martial art weaponry. I have quarter size bruises all over my body and if I never hear the words “nerve cluster” again I will be happy.

CSW: Oh that too is impressive. I guess so. Putting “nerve cluster” on my weird number one.

MT: But it was way fun to come home and get A out of bed and practice what I learned on him. Grinning.

CSW: Oh that is very wifely of you.

MT: He hates it.

DTGS: Laughing.

CSW: Poor man. Gets beat up in his spare time.

MT: Oh, please….. he forces me to listen to him play the same song over and over while he says “Which way is better? Like this? Or this?”

CSW: Oh that’s like being at the Optometrist: “Which is clearer? #1 or #2?”

DTGS: Oh I hate that.

CSW: They’re the friggin’ same!

MT: Exactly!

CSW: Rolling. MT told *me* she could happily kill him with a screwdriver most days.

MT: SOME days, SOME! Laughing.

DTGS: I really need to get some sleep.

MT: I do too.

CSW: You CST people are all the same.

MT: CST?

DTGS: Well then MOVE damn it.

CSW: Central Standard time.

MT: Oh, duh.

CSW: Fine. I will. ‘Night all.

DTGS: You just need some sleep MT. Good night!

---

Site Search Tags: cheap sweet wine, conversation, granny