Rating: Brazilian

If you don’t read our message boards, this bit will not be coherent. We offer it for The Regulars. (However this article is what is in view.)

Cheap Sweet Wine: Can I say, nay, can I complain that reading “my God” in the context of “The “God” that you rejected is not my God, either.” is like nails on chalkboard? (One of the remaining figures of speech Weird #1 permits.)

Swears & Drinks: Oh. yes. ma’am. God does NOT come with personal pronouns. Where DID you read this?

CSW: Our boards.

S&D: Dare I go there?

CSW: Oh I’m having no trouble not posting, but I wanted to feel closer to you, so I complained.

S&D: Rolling.

S&D: If it is intimacy that we need here, let’s cut straight to _____.

---

S&D: Aren’t you glad I shared my opinion ?

CSW: Yes I am. That’s why you’re my drinking buddy. We’ll have to share with TimandBrandon just how right we are. All the time.

S&D: Laughing. A.men. Just hand over the hand-mixed margarita, baby, and no one gets hurt.

CSW: That’s my line. Yours is “She’s paying. I’ll take the cheap stuff.”

S&D: Laughing. On the rocks. Tastes bettah that way.

CSW: Yes it does! So glad I was with you. One shouldn’t continue frozen when there are rocks to be had. Ahem.

S&D: HOW.LING. A.men. You are SUCH a bad influence. Bringing back things that I had left back in my Baptist days. I owe you. Big. time.

---

S&D: You are CATHOLIC; of COURSE you are annoying some people!

CSW: True that.

S&D: Welcome to my world.

CSW: I know. Wondering what is the step down from Forum Hammer… Forum Screwdriver… Ah. The Forum Shrew.

S&D: Well better that than the Forum Screw, ahem, which WOULD be the short form.

---

CSW: Okay… when you want to look up your Yahoo history (no reason really… whistling), where is it?

S&D: Yahoo history. I have no. clue.

CSW: I see that… where? Geez.

S&D: You are my techno friend.

CSW: I ask you ONE tech question.

S&D: Grinning.

CSW: Fine. I shall return with answers. (She flies off in cape.)

S&D: Just remember Techno Hero, lycra is NOT our friend.

CSW: Found it. Cue Wonder Woman soundtrack.

S&D: Wonder Woman soundtrack cued. Volume modulated.

CSW: Go to “Conversation.” Then “Preferences.” Then see if you see “View Archives.”

S&D: Oh DUH. You mean how to view yahoo IM history? Good GRIEF. I knew that. I thought you meant yahoo search/page history. Come ON woman. Specifics.

CSW: Okay. She gets all uppity now.

S&D: Whatdja need it for?

CSW: Wondering how it worked.

S&D: Oh.

CSW: You know how if you Copy & Paste it, you lose some?

S&D: It will save conferences and IM text. Yeah.

CSW: If you talk long enough, it falls off.

S&D: HOWLING. Really.

CSW: Oh stop it! We are not drinking tonight. Okay. I have a pale ale.

S&D: I’m SO laughing. You DO NOT.

CSW: Yes, she does.

S&D: Man, that fridge SO goes in my closet.

CSW: It should!

S&D: Is that the orange kind? What was it, blue moon?

CSW: Uh… It’s in a brown bottle. But peeking in, it looks kinda orangeish. Like I know.

S&D: Rolling.

CSW: Last time I had one it was in a CLEAR glass at the end of 4 amaretto sours, 2 margaritas and I *think* two martinis. So I have NO eff-ing CLUE what color it was.

S&D: Laughing. I SO can’t wait, you are so bad for me. Who KNEW sitting at the bar was this much fun? That was my FIRST TIME.

CSW: I am, I am. No kidding.

S&D: Bar. Virgin.

---

S&D: Boy is that thread raising the hackles.

CSW: I hear you. It’s a temptation.

S&D: Yes. But would it be a near occasion of sin, or a spiritual act of mercy, and how bad is THAT, to wonder?

CSW: Oh I just mean temptation to post. I’m sure one of us could find it in us to be nice. You go for it. You have no pale ale.

S&D: Laughing; yeah. Think about that: ‘more. mellow. on. booze.’

CSW: Don’t you know that cracked them up for the first two hours? That was us. Mellow.

S&D: Laughing; I know!

CSW: I thought he might be kicking us out when he came up and told us it was a family restaurant and to stop looking at midget porn.

S&D: Rolling; I know. Me too. That was funny.

CSW: They know how to get us back in there.

S&D: Yeah, dangle the hand-mixed; load up the salt rim…

CSW: Absolutely. Oh. They *were* responsive, weren’t they?

S&D: Oh yes ma’am. Very.

---

CSW: Just for your mild enjoyment.

S&D: Oh I SAW this. Is that not a riot? A chalk stud makes people pregnant. Sigh. LOVE that theology…

CSW: That is some kind of chalk.

S&D: Ok, if women of a certain weight should not wear hip huggers and tight shirts, then this is WAY wrong. I mean what happened to common sense and self preservation instinct? Hell, I don’t even do CARTWHEELS anymore and I don’t weigh no 500 lbs.

CSW: Well, at 500lbs. one might reasonably argue that self preservation was dispensed with long, long ago.

S&D: True dat.

CSW: No kidding. Last time I did a cartwheel I hurt for days. Laughing; I mean it though.

S&D: And jumping on the trampoline? Oh that is SO wrong…

CSW: Hey now. Last time I did that was…lessee…2003. That wasn’t too bad, but I have, to put it politely, no breasts.

S&D: The girls wanted me to show them something when we got ours years go… and I did ONE jump and said ok, no more; that is SO not happening. It wasn’t the breasts… I don’t do enough kegels.

CSW: Rolling!

S&D: Ahem; tmi. Note to self… get right on that…

CSW: That was too funny.

S&D: Bad, that was bad.

CSW: Yeah. Must do kegels. Good for things other than tramps. (olines…)

S&D: HOWLING. Yeah they are.

Rating: Brazilian

Have ya heard that song yet? “Famous in a Small Town” by Miranda Lambert… Great song… Cheap Sweet Wine is one of those kinda people. We are trying to take advantage of the few months we have living in the same town by getting together once a week at a local restaurant for drinks and dinner… well… we WERE sitting in the restaurant the first few weeks.

Then she comes and tells me that she’s found this great bar at another restaurant where they have $1 Margaritas on Thursdays… well, you can guess where Mom’s Night Out was last week.

I’ve never sat at the bar… at a table in the bar area when the rest of the restaurant was full, yeah… but not AT THE BAR for the purposes of dinner and a drink… or two… Man, have I been missing OUT. Here are some of the highlights of the evening…

---

CSW has this habit of setting her phone to vibrate and tucking it between her thighs when in a noisy place and went to do that at the bar.

S&D: Is it on vibrate?

CSW: Oops! (changes ring setting) Don’t wanna miss THAT!

---

In reaction to some comment (probably angelic) from me…

CSW: I swallowed that WHOLE thanks to you!

---

So we’ve ordered our first Margaritas, CSW’s is on the rocks, mine is frozen. We’re discussing the merits, why’s and wheretofore’s behind our choices and CSW says she thinks you can get drunk faster if it is on the rocks. We decide to ask the bartenders when one comes back by…

Brandon the Bartender: “You get drunk faster on the rocks – unless you get off on a brain freeze…”

---

Further discussion of the Margaritas brings up the one CSW had last week… remember? The one with the really yummy rim?

CSW: (licks the rim of her Margarita glass) Nope, doesn’t taste like last week’s… Next time Tim comes, I’m gonna tell him about the lime rim.

---

CSW’s husband texted her a couple times during the evening. After she had responded to him once…

CSW: (puts the phone back between her thighs) Let’s put it back here and see what happens!
[May I add that S&D said, and I quote: Your problem is that you don't have it high enough! --Cheap Sweet Wine]

---

As these little bloggable bits keep popping up in the course of really rather normal conversation … ok, normal for us and really NOTHING that should be ending up in these rather risque one liners… we discussed who does the majority of the writing here…

S&D: (said defensively) I can write, I just don’t usually…

CSW: Last week you were begging me to do it!

---

Sitting at the bar gives you a good view of the ‘drink makings’ lined up at the back and you hear the orders of other patrons etc. As someone was getting a shot of something, gee, was that us? I asked CSW if she’d ever had a B52 (layered drink of Kahlua, Irish Cream, and Grand Marnier that tastes like chocolate).

She said no, so I asked TimandBrandon to make her one. She looks at this layered shot when they sat it down in front of her and asked me how to drink it. It was a pretty big shot glass so I’m explaining that she really needs to get all the layers in her mouth to get the full flavor…

CSW: You want me to take all of this in my mouth and swish it? I’m not sure I can take it all in!

---

We had a seriously good time, lots of laughter, some serious moments, and the bartenders seemed amused.

S&D: Man, you’re gonna have a reputation around here at this rate… I won’t, I’m moving!

CSW: I only have a reputation at the town’s football games!

S&D: It’s like the song… Everyone Dies Famous in a Small Town…

CSW: What song is that, I haven’t heard it…

S&D: You’re LIVING it honey!

Rating: Granny

“I can’t pull my pants down without thinking of you*,” I say to Swears & Drinks this morning. When we catch our breath, S&D’s says “When you [do something really publicly known] I am putting a hit man on you. They will find this blog and it will be on the news and they will know who your friends are!”

I pulled into S&D’s home town last evening and we hit the bar. What follows are minor episodes we wish to recall…

Swears & Drinks: Why is it when we had the body, we didn’t know what to do with it? Oh man, now that I know I would pay money to have the body. What happened to us? Okay, two years, let’s hit a Trace Adkins concert. Let’s put the kids in school and work out all day.

Cheap Sweet Wine: So we didn’t get to shake our ass on the hood of White Snake’s car… Trace Adkins 2008 baby.

*Okay, there is a story behind this. It involves pants, stretch marks and hooking a long fingernail into one, drawing blood. Really, that’s enough said.

---

S&D: The other morning, I was so ready. I was so ready it was a good thing I had nothing requiring batteries. I was thinking “Cheap Sweet Wine so needs to be here right now; I am so ready.” As I looked on in horror which devolved into laughter, I grabbed her pointed index finger and said, “Did you hear what you just said?!? Out loud?”

She gasps through the tears, “I can’t open my mouth when I’m around you. Brazilian! I am so ready for the Brazilian!”

We were drinking martinis this night: Sour Apple and an Almond Joy. It would seem that S&D’s gastric enjoyment extends beyond Indian.

“Potent cherry,” she sighs while pulling the stem from her lips.

---

Cheap Sweet Wine: I finally finished The Red Tent. If I hadn’t thought it was worth it, the last few pages made the book. It was beautiful. It touched me. I don’t get touched often.

S&D: LIAR!!

---

CSW: Is this where my heart is? It hurts. Wonder what it is — must be my breasts saying they want implants. I’m too young for heartburn, which isn’t really in your heart, is it?

S&D: You are *so* not too young for heartburn!

CSW: O.Kay. then.

Tonight, she clears the air:

CSW: The 7yo drags over the neighbors to meet us today. I look BAD. I do not look good.

S&D: You LIE!

CSW: You’re forgiven for the heartburn comment.

---

CSW: This margarita is sub-par, I mean, really sub-par, but there is something in the salt. (Licks the rim.)

S&D: (head spinning, looks amazed at waitress) Did you SEE that?!? (Laughing very out loud)

CSW: I’m telling you, there is something in the salt. (lick)

S&D: You are gonna make me spew!

CSW: I just wanna lick it. Do you wanna lick this side?

S&D: So we can have *two* women licking it?

CSW: Laughing. You should. I think they dipped the rim in lime and then in the green salt. Yum. For this, I could have two sub-par margaritas.

---

CSW: I have been trying for a month to write the “I’m not bothered” Meme. I think of things and think, “Nope. That bothers me. I am a very bothered woman.”

S&D: Hot and bothered.

---

Drinks and Swears and I have been taking turns being the Designated Driver. Last night I was up. Or down. However you want to look at it. At the end of the night, S&D says, “A margarita and a Diet Coke — I so want your life!”

When the check came, I spent time calculating the tip and then a good 5 minutes looking for where to sign. I said, “What kind of receipt is *this* without a line to sign on? I mean, where does the tip go?” And we ruminated on the sorry state of receipts these days until I guess it hit Swears & Drinks: Have you even given them a CARD yet?

CSW: Uh, no. *So* glad you caught me before I just signed this, penned in the tip and walked off.

---

As we were driving home, we were discussing items of great import. I mean, import. Like Iraq. And immigration.

I yawn. Out of the blue, S&D says, “I so shoulda been the designated driver.”

CSW: No way. That was just a yawn. I’m thinking *deep thoughts,* here, S&D.

S&D: Laughing crazily, “Yeah but you just missed my road. You’re driving to *your* house.”

CSW: Oh. Deep thoughts and all.

What was in that salt rim?!?

---

Should end with the fact that we were seated next to two great-bodied young gals. Who had not one bit of fun. No laughing. No great conversation. No considering the fact that what the world really needs is another blog: a sexpert blog.

You can have the body but knowledge takes time.

Rating: Bikini

Swears & Drinks: Cheap Sweet Wine is cursing me…

Cheap Sweet Wine: Happily. As I said, you never, never should have introduced me to sour apple martinis. And melon martinis. I may be unable to spell much longer, but sour apple martinis… yum.

S&D: Making them at home are ya?

CSW: Yeah. Although think they’ll be better from scratch rather than mixer.

Mrs. Thong: I have never tried any martini, much less sour apple…

CSW: Oh. Girl. Start with melon if you like sweet things. And really. Who doesn’t?

S&D: Ha. Oh sour apple martinis are too smooth for your own good. I was at the Y today, and CSW is gonna prove those women RIGHT about good Catholics.

CSW: I’m sure. However, this one is so potent, I’m quite sure if you stick around I’ll go “bloggable” on you.

S&D: Hilarious.

CSW: Tell me about the Y.

S&D: This one woman, a good friend, very nice, said how she knew these ‘good Catholics’ … and it sure sounded directly linked to them being ‘good drinkers.’

CSW: Laughing, but of course.

MT: Did you tell her about a great blog you “found”?

CSW: Oh man. We’re doing fine on hits without passing it out. And Mrs. Thong…. let me tell you. There is NO SUCH THING as a DIY Brazilian. You would have to have cojones, girl. Yesterday was my day. Ouch. Needed much Tequila.

S&D: Laughing!

MT: My sister does it herself too.

CSW: Your own DIY Brazilian? Man. You *are* the woman.

S&D: Ouch. To you BOTH.

CSW: Ack. No way.

CSW: Worth every penny of $90. Where is DTGS tonight?

S&D: Don’t know, was she having trouble with her computer?

Drinks the Good Stuff: Hello ladies!

S&D: Look what the cat dragged in.

CSW: There you go. Hey girl. Just talkin’ bout you. S&D asked if you were havin’ computer trouble and I was saying, “Not so much she can’t back talk on the forums.”

DTGS: Laughing.

CSW: And btw… I am near to not being able to spell. Sour apple martinis. I need LATITUDE.

S&D: <—- bad influence

CSW: Oh yeah you are.

S&D: But you looooooooooooooove me.

CSW: Yes I do, dear. Anyone who turns me on to THIS is a Good. Girl. Just do not let me post to CMGW like this.

S&D: At LAST, a booze rec. she likes.

CSW: Took you long enough.

S&D: Yeah, let me see if I can post this…. CSW says she drinks but doesn’t swallow.

CSW: Laughing!

S&D: And hey, if you think that sounds iffy… I nearly didn’t say drinks, and thought whoa, that would sound BAD!

CSW: Too funny.

DTGS: Just put up a blog entry. On plants.

CSW: Love [plants]. Only discovered them in [foreign country] where they are RARE, RARE, RARE.

DTGS: Expensive expensive expensive?

CSW: Very. We just usually stole them from the neighbors. No, I found some at a flea market once for about $19.

DTGS: Well I spent almost $200 on [plants] but there were a LOT of them most of them were bare root.

CSW: NO IDEA what bare root means.

DTGS: Well you can buy them in pots

CSW: However, like I told the others, yesterday was Brazilian day and bare root sounds painful today.

DTGS: With dirt on the roots or you can buy them with all of the dirt taken off the roots.

S&D: Ouch, tell me about it.

DTGS: Laughing.

CSW: I don’t buy things that you plant outdoors, as a matter of course. You sound very informed to me.

DTGS: LOL…that’s great.

S&D: Ouch again.

CSW: Jose, baby. I’ll drive. And hold your hand if you want.

S&D: Hell, from the sound of it I may fly home.

CSW: But he’ll like it; you won’t, and you’ll be doing it again. Laughing!

S&D: Come RIGHT OFF THE TABLE!

DTGS: Hold my hand? Like I am going to want COMPANY?

S&D: No kidding.

DTGS: I think not.

CSW: Depends on how much you’ve had to drink.

S&D: You can go lay on your own couch of intense pain.

CSW: On Wiki, they linked to a video of “the moment.”

S&D: OH. Ouch.

CSW: Some people actually had friends with them.

S&D: No. way.

CSW: Okay. I can NOT do that, but whatever gets you through.

S&D: Don’t worry; I do NOT want company. Heck, I want to manage not to be IN my own body, my own self.

CSW: My little French woman was very good. And it STILL hurt like hell.

DTGS: It ain’t the pain that has me worried.

S&D: How many miles do they hear you screaming? It is ALL about the pain. ALL.

CSW: Laughing. I don’t scream. I’m Southern through and through. “Oh no, honey, I’m fine.” This French lady though, knew her business. Almost worth flying out for, gals.

S&D: That is one expensive wax…

DTGS: LOL….like I would sell that to my husband.

CSW: Oh. I bet you could. $200 ticket for $100 wax job = one helluva night. Probably could.

DTGS: Laughing! No way.

S&D: Hilarious.

CSW: Effing way.

DTGS: Why the hell should I pay all that money when I could get a massage? Those hurt too if you get ‘em done right.

CSW: See, never had a massage. Never.

DTGS: I tell ‘em to hurt me too.

CSW: S&M massage? Okay.

S&D: Yeah, whole ‘nother blog.

DTGS: Therapeutic massage.

CSW: Need to see it. I will have to get a massage in [next spa weekend town].

S&D: Love massages.

DTGS: Oh now you’re talking dirty.

CSW: Cracking up. Husband said he’d pick up the house with the kids the other day and I said, “Baby, that’s like talking dirty to me.”

S&D: No kidding.

CSW: Exactly. Massages. Men cleaning houses. What more do you need?

DTGS: Well they do say watching a man do dishes is erotic.

CSW: Who watches? I come talk to y’all.

DTGS: Well I don’t watch my husband do ‘em either.

CSW: But if “they” say, then maybe I’m missing something… I’ll mention it for foreplay tomorrow night.

DTGS: Laughing!

CSW: Snorting.

DTGS: He could take out the trash too.

CSW: Oh now you’re gonna make me excited. Did you see the latest CMGW entry?

DTGS: Yes I did; we need to get together more often.

CSW: I did my best. Yeah, we do.

DTGS: That would be much better for that blog or worse, depending on your perspective.

CSW: Couple times per year would be excellent. Laughing. Worse. I didn’t even add the one about the man almost having an orgasm because I keep my phone between my thighs when I drive…

S&D: Laughing! And yes, you could come to MY house and we could go shopping…

CSW: [Blank] is a great town. We could do some serious damage there.

DTGS: Well when we first moved here, oh Lord I can’t believe I am going to say this, I can just SEE this on the blog…

CSW: Oh do.

DTGS: This was before the fast food places and the car manufacturers had synched their cups and cup holders so if you got a large drink it wouldn’t fit in the cupholder and darn it all I wanted a large drink in the summer here. I swear there were days when I thought I had frostbite on my thighs from holding those damn cups between my legs.

S&D: Laughing!

CSW: Try your phone. On vibrate. I swear EVERY time it goes off…

S&D: You light up like a Roman Candle!

CSW: Laughing out loud, S&D!

DTGS: Do you have to confess that?

Postscript: Y’all so owe me. Do you have any idea how hard this was to upload on the equivalent of 4 martinis? Good Catholic my ass…

---

Site Search Tags: cheap sweet wine, humor, conversation, bikini

Rating: Brazilian

So I was on the phone with a friend. (No I don’t do anything “real” with my life. Look at my avatar! Does that look like a woman that cleans house!?…if only…) And she mentioned reading a post on-line concerning the morality of “Brazilians” and she went to her husband and asked, “SO. If I got a Brazilian, would you find that attractive?” The answer? “Oh YEAH!…except….I wouldn’t like the idea that someone had done it. That’s MY territory.”

Now all we have to do is figure out a way to have ‘immaculate brazilians’ or would that be ‘v irgin brazilians’? Clearly a question for a day when I’ve had a glass of the good stuff.

---

Site Search Tags: drinks the good stuff, conversation, humor, brazilian

Technorati: brazilian wax, convictions

Rating: Brazilian

As you know, we’ve been discussing the licitness of oral stimulation and Swears and Drinks tells me it’s in the Bible. Recently, we got to sit in on a class on the Song of Solomon under the illustrious Professor O.

Unfortunately, we were the rowdy ones in the back row and may have missed all the main points.

From Bible Class, Song of Solomon Day
(“Let’s Talk About Sex, Baby, Let’s Talk About You And Me, Let’s Talk About Sex”)

3 Like an apple tree among the trees of the forest
is my lover among the young men.
I delight to sit in his shade,
and his fruit is sweet to my taste.

Swears and Drinks: There’s your verse. That’s it baby.

Drinks the Good Stuff: That’s it. What did you think the “shade” and “apples” were?

Cheap Sweet Wine: I had no idea. I worship you two. I’ve never thought about this before. I’ve sat through entire seminars on the Song of Solomon and never got oral sex out of it.

[uproarious laughter -- you don't really want to know how often this happened]

Prof: Alrighty then, how precisely is this young man like an apple tree. Unpack the simile.

Class: Stately? Strong? Tall?

Prof: Why an apple tree, then? Why not an oak? What’s an apple tree have?

Class: Fruit! Yes! Fruit!

Prof: Doing what?

Class: Dangling there…. waitaminnit.

Prof: And the beloved does what to the fruit?

Class: No fucking way.

Prof: Fucking way. And her reaction?

Class: No FUCKING way!

Fucking way.
[falling out of chair, I kid you not, laughter]

Prof: Way.

4 He has taken me to the banquet hall,
and his intention toward me was love.

Prof: They are going to the banqueting hall. Why? What’s in the banqueting hall?

Class: Food?

Prof: And?

Class: Um… drink?

Prof: Very good! Why does he take her there?

Class: Because he loves her?

Prof: It is possible to love a girl without giving her food and drink. Why do YOU take one another to the roadhouse when you’re in love?

Class: To loosen her up?

Prof: A’s all around.

5 Strengthen me with raisins,
refresh me with apples,
for I am faint with love.

Prof: Where did we last see fruit?

Class: She was… um, tasting it?

Prof: Excellent. Her attitude towards the fruit?

Class: Powerpills for the lovelorn!

Prof: Well done. Gentlemen, if a woman ever compares your testicles to raisins, there is literary precedent. Do not take offense.

Fucking Way.

Chapter Four:
11 Your lips drop sweetness as the honeycomb, my bride;
milk and honey are under your tongue.

Prof: So is she drooling? He thinks her spit is sweet?

Class (sullenly): There are precedents in love…

Prof: True! But there are more than one kind of lip, yes?

Class: He said “tongue”! He distinctly said “tongue!”

Prof: Ah, but aren’t there tongues on the lips both upper and lower?

Class: ???

Brilliant Sexy Female Student: I think he means the clitoris.

Prof: Head of the class.

Class: No fucking way.

Prof: Fucking way.

Fucking way.

12 You are a garden locked up, my sister, my bride;
you are a spring enclosed, a sealed fountain.

13 Your plants are an orchard of pomegranates
with choice fruits,
with henna and nard,

14 nard and saffron,
calamus and cinnamon,
with every kind of incense tree,
with myrrh and aloes
and all the finest spices…
Beloved:
16 Awake, north wind,
and come, south wind!
Blow on my garden,
that its fragrance may spread abroad.
Let my lover come into his garden
and taste its choice fruits.

Prof: She is compared to…?

Class: A locked garden.

Prof: Within which is…?

Class: Spice. And fruit.

Prof: Her attitude towards this comparison is…?

Class: Positive.

Prof: Provoking her to do what?

Class: Invoke the winds to carry the scent.

Prof: Yes, to bring her funkiness to him, inviting him to do what?

Class: Come into the garden…

Prof: Which metaphorizes what?

Class: No fucking way.

Prof: Fucking way. What does she want him to do there?

Class (resigned): Eat the fruit.

Prof: Go and do likewise. See you Thursday.

No. Fucking. Way. [They're kicking us out of class now.]

CSW: Swears and Drinks, if you got all this out of Song of Solomon before now, I worship you.

---

Site Search Tags: cheap sweet wine, education, brazilian

Rating: Commando

We might as well say it now: Miss Goody Goody has at least one secret rant begging to be let out. (Credit Swears and Drinks for the title when she learned my subject.)

If I hear one more Christian Mom say it is downright immoral to get a Brazilian Wax I’m coming undone.

Let me talk about it in the nicest way possible.

Removing body hair is not immoral. It is not sending the message that men want pre-pubescent girls. I can assure you my husband thought no such thing when I sprung a Brazilian on him. He wanted me.

Damn Straight. Victoria who?

What is so frustrating is that we can not ever seem to find the cojones to say: I don’t want a Brazilian. I couldn’t bear it. That’s got to hurt like hell.

No. Women say it’s wrong to get a Brazilian. It is nigh unto sin to get a Brazilian. It sends the wrong message. The hell it does. It sends the right message. And if you need that elucidated, ask me on a straight Tequila night.

There are many reasons, and I’ll let your imagination fill in the blanks here, to get a Brazilian wax. But none of them have to do with pre-pubescent girls.

Why is it when we have a certain distaste, it’s not enough to find it personally undesirable. No. We must have a conviction. A truth from God Himself that it is wrong for all ya’ll to engage in something that just might be sexually pleasurable.

I’m tired of it. So here I am telling you (quite anonymously you note) that it’s not wrong to get a Brazilian wax. It could be the rightest thing you’ll ever do.

It’s wrong to get it done by an amateur. And that is a conviction.

---

Site Search Tags: Cheap Sweet Wine, Commando, rant, brazilian wax, convictions,

Technorati: brazilian wax, convictions, rant

The post rating system is a voluntary system. The ratings given by each author are intended to provide you with advance information so you can decide for yourself which entries are appropriate for reading.*

Click to advance to Catholic Moms Gone Wild.

Granny
(If you still wear your mommy’s panties, please exit immediately.)

Bikini
(Mildly risqué, however Cheap Sweet Wine can type it without blushing.)

Thong
(If you think thongs are for feet, but could be convinced otherwise…give it a try.)

Commando
(The naked truth)

Brazilian
(We never should’ve said that!)

*And all in good fun, of course.

The post rating system is a voluntary system. The ratings given by each author are intended to provide you with advance information so you can decide for yourself which entries are appropriate for reading.*

Granny
(If you still wear your mommy’s panties, please exit immediately.)

Bikini
(Mildly risqué, however Cheap Sweet Wine can type it without blushing.)

Thong
(If you think thongs are for feet, but could be convinced otherwise…give it a try.)

Commando
(The naked truth)

Brazilian
(We never should’ve said that!)

*And all in good fun, of course.