Rating: Granny

“I can’t pull my pants down without thinking of you*,” I say to Swears & Drinks this morning. When we catch our breath, S&D’s says “When you [do something really publicly known] I am putting a hit man on you. They will find this blog and it will be on the news and they will know who your friends are!”

I pulled into S&D’s home town last evening and we hit the bar. What follows are minor episodes we wish to recall…

Swears & Drinks: Why is it when we had the body, we didn’t know what to do with it? Oh man, now that I know I would pay money to have the body. What happened to us? Okay, two years, let’s hit a Trace Adkins concert. Let’s put the kids in school and work out all day.

Cheap Sweet Wine: So we didn’t get to shake our ass on the hood of White Snake’s car… Trace Adkins 2008 baby.

*Okay, there is a story behind this. It involves pants, stretch marks and hooking a long fingernail into one, drawing blood. Really, that’s enough said.

---

S&D: The other morning, I was so ready. I was so ready it was a good thing I had nothing requiring batteries. I was thinking “Cheap Sweet Wine so needs to be here right now; I am so ready.” As I looked on in horror which devolved into laughter, I grabbed her pointed index finger and said, “Did you hear what you just said?!? Out loud?”

She gasps through the tears, “I can’t open my mouth when I’m around you. Brazilian! I am so ready for the Brazilian!”

We were drinking martinis this night: Sour Apple and an Almond Joy. It would seem that S&D’s gastric enjoyment extends beyond Indian.

“Potent cherry,” she sighs while pulling the stem from her lips.

---

Cheap Sweet Wine: I finally finished The Red Tent. If I hadn’t thought it was worth it, the last few pages made the book. It was beautiful. It touched me. I don’t get touched often.

S&D: LIAR!!

---

CSW: Is this where my heart is? It hurts. Wonder what it is — must be my breasts saying they want implants. I’m too young for heartburn, which isn’t really in your heart, is it?

S&D: You are *so* not too young for heartburn!

CSW: O.Kay. then.

Tonight, she clears the air:

CSW: The 7yo drags over the neighbors to meet us today. I look BAD. I do not look good.

S&D: You LIE!

CSW: You’re forgiven for the heartburn comment.

---

CSW: This margarita is sub-par, I mean, really sub-par, but there is something in the salt. (Licks the rim.)

S&D: (head spinning, looks amazed at waitress) Did you SEE that?!? (Laughing very out loud)

CSW: I’m telling you, there is something in the salt. (lick)

S&D: You are gonna make me spew!

CSW: I just wanna lick it. Do you wanna lick this side?

S&D: So we can have *two* women licking it?

CSW: Laughing. You should. I think they dipped the rim in lime and then in the green salt. Yum. For this, I could have two sub-par margaritas.

---

CSW: I have been trying for a month to write the “I’m not bothered” Meme. I think of things and think, “Nope. That bothers me. I am a very bothered woman.”

S&D: Hot and bothered.

---

Drinks and Swears and I have been taking turns being the Designated Driver. Last night I was up. Or down. However you want to look at it. At the end of the night, S&D says, “A margarita and a Diet Coke — I so want your life!”

When the check came, I spent time calculating the tip and then a good 5 minutes looking for where to sign. I said, “What kind of receipt is *this* without a line to sign on? I mean, where does the tip go?” And we ruminated on the sorry state of receipts these days until I guess it hit Swears & Drinks: Have you even given them a CARD yet?

CSW: Uh, no. *So* glad you caught me before I just signed this, penned in the tip and walked off.

---

As we were driving home, we were discussing items of great import. I mean, import. Like Iraq. And immigration.

I yawn. Out of the blue, S&D says, “I so shoulda been the designated driver.”

CSW: No way. That was just a yawn. I’m thinking *deep thoughts,* here, S&D.

S&D: Laughing crazily, “Yeah but you just missed my road. You’re driving to *your* house.”

CSW: Oh. Deep thoughts and all.

What was in that salt rim?!?

---

Should end with the fact that we were seated next to two great-bodied young gals. Who had not one bit of fun. No laughing. No great conversation. No considering the fact that what the world really needs is another blog: a sexpert blog.

You can have the body but knowledge takes time.

Rating: Granny

You know, Swears and Drinks and Drinks the Good Stuff should know better than to get together without us…

(Oh, I don’t think this can be read in one sitting; it can be said in one sitting but otherwise, it is way too long…)

Mrs. Thong: Are you there?

Cheap Sweet Wine: Hey girlfriend! I am.

MT: Haven’t been on all day except to post.

CSW: I haven’t talked to anyone either.

MT: So, what is up with you? What did you get done today? Grin.

CSW: Not a thing. I decided it was a conspiracy that no one was online today so *I* would not be distracted. Lessee… I got my room done and most of the laundry. Lot of paperwork and a lot of depression when it hit me that I have to clean the fridge and freezer for the movers.

Hey is it the weekend? Cause I said I wasn’t drinking until then, but… Laughing.

MT: Grin … I was contemplating a margarita myself.

CSW: OH! Love it. I’m back with Gewurz… not spelled correctly I’m sure.

MT: I looked for that yesterday…. don’t have it at my store.

CSW: What about the grocery? I mean, it’s just at my regular grocery. Do you like sweet or more dry wines? No idea why I’m asking… I’ll tell you the Fetzer is dry and you’ll get it and say “Sweet!”

MT: Grin.

CSW: Well, DTGS likes it. I guess that’s a recommendation. Although she recommended Nobilo and I can’t drink that to save my life. Okay, I did drink it once and didn’t remember a bloomin’ thing the next day.

MT: I lean toward sweet.

CSW: Me too. But not as sweet as strawberry wine?

MT: I have just finally admitted to myself that I don’t like reds. No, not that sweet. Laughing. Hang on, getting booze. Too lazy for margarita — Pinot Grigio.

CSW: Does it matter the label too much? I guess it does. HOW do you know good wine, for crying out loud?

MT: Wanna know my two favorites? Grin.

CSW: Yes, I do!

MT: Don’t you dare tell those two wine snob friends of ours.

CSW: Puh-leeze. If you’re doing anything above strawberry wine, you’re golden.

MT: They are both Reuniti lables. Laughing.

CSW: See? I don’t even know that’s supposed to be bad. I guess they’re just cheaper and popular?

MT: Uh, yeah; just one notch above wine in a box.

CSW: Laughing OUT Loud.

CSW: I have been told that Principato Rosato, served at the Olive Garden, is supposedly good and it’s mostly cheap. Hey, isn’t there a song… Reuniti makes you feel so nice, or something like that? Grin.

MT: The advertisement jingle, from the commercials.

CSW: That’s as much of wine as I know. Commercials. If I didn’t have help, I’d be drinking freeze-dried coffee too. I seriously lack class. I just try to hide it.

MT: Yeah, Swears and Drinks and Drinks the Good Stuff have not been good for my pocket book; they got me hooked on good tea. And my Amazon bill tripled.

CSW: No. Kidding. But I bought the freakin’ expensive teapot. And the expensive tea and I STILL DON’T LIKE IT. I think I’m hopeless.

MT: Laughing. Which pot? The one with the gold filter?

CSW: Hmm… you would ask. Yes, definitely a gold filter. I was NOT worthy of a gold filter. But I own it. Because *I* have more money than sense.

MT: Laughing. I have always liked tea…. just was blissfully unaware that what I drank was the crap of the tea world.

CSW: Lipton’s?

MT: Yep; dh still uses Lipton’s for his iced. Even though I bought him some lovely loose Irish Breakfast.

CSW: Who doesn’t? That’s good stuff. Grin. I freak DTGS out with sweet tea. I’m thinking, what do you EXPECT? I was raised in the South!

MT: Laughing. I know, in the big pitcher A. uses two cups of sugar! (He is from TN)

CSW: And with a gold filter… I mean, what’s not to love? Don’t all rough and ready men wake up and think, “Ah. Lovely loose Irish breakfast tea in a gold filter…”

Rating: Granny….if she wears a sari.

Swears and Drinks is at my home for a visit and she brought her children for me to corrupt….I mean educate. It is such a joy when children reach an age where when they ask a question you can say, “You really don’t want to know the answer.” And then, when they persist in badgering you for an answer….you give it to them. [very big grin]. Swears and Drinks’ eldest has reached just such an age and BOY did she come to the right house to get an education.

Lesson #1. Swears and Drink’s eldest was watching a TV program when an offhand remark was made regarding breast implants. This remark was made while S&D’s and my children were watching TV, S&D, myself and Cheap Sweet Wine were both on the phone and in instant message conversation. (You can never have too much communication among girlfriends) S&D’s eldest proceeds to LAUNCH on a tirade about how disgusting and gross and horrible breast implants are. This caused all three adult women who were privy to this little rant by the young know-it-all to nearly choke with laughter knowing that one of us…cough…and indeed the MOTHER of said opinionated young teenaged girl… had herself a pair of those gross, disgusting, and horrible devices surgically implanted some years ago. And of course, since we were on IM in addition to the phone we could have ourselves a lovely discussion without any possibility whatsoever of being overheard. (I love technology.)

A little while later this young lady was being counseled by her mother about the wisdom of tempering such deeply held opinions or at least not expressing them with such vehemence when she isn’t sure of the audience. Ms. Know-it-all looked her mother squarely in the eye and said, “Well it isn’t as if YOU have them so what’s the big deal?” (This of course leads to the inescapable conclusion that even in the eyes of young children that the idea of me having implants is patently absurd.) At this point Swears and Drinks looks at her eldest child and said “Oh really? You know that for sure do you?” [grin] It’s so much fun yanking the rug out from under someone who knows for sure they are standing on the bare floor.

Lesson #2 Swears and Drinks has a bit of a love affair with Indian food. I don’t mean this in a symbolic way. S&D lives in a place where Taco Bell is considered good Mexican food and Indian is quite simply out of the question. When she comes to my house, a visit to one of the local Indian eateries is essential. So this afternoon we were at a most excellent Indian and reminiscing about S&D’s first experience with Indian food. S&D’s eldest wanted to know what we were talking about and I said that her mother had been known to attract attention when eating Indian food. S&D’s eldest was instantly curious. “What do you mean?” she asked. I said, “You really don’t want to know.” Stupid child. She insisted that she wanted to know and she’s old enough to hear the answer rather than have me live through the pestering. So I said, “Have you ever watched ‘When Harry Met Sally’?” “No.” S&D chimes in “Do you know that shampoo commercial where the woman is moaning while she is washing her hair….?” S&D’s eldest’s expression clearly indicated puzzlement. So I stepped in (my specialty) and said, “When your mother eats good Indian food she makes noises typically associated with extreme enjoyment of conjugal relations.” It’s really too bad we didn’t have video camera because as much fun as it would be to document a case of S&D “going Indian” it would have been even more fun to document that face made by her eldest…jaw hitting (denting even) the table, eyebrows shooting up well into her hairline, and a deep and thorough blush.

I did mention to her that the next time I tell her she doesn’t want to know something, she might consider believing me.

Rating: Granny

The following is not coherent. To protect the innocent, we must have it this way. (And also more than half is missing because Yahoo does not preserve the entire conversation if you talk as long as we.)

Cheap Sweet Wine: Oh! Swears and Drinks, guess what I’m drinking and LIKING?

Swears and Drinks: What??

CSW: Fetzer Gewürztraminer. Grinning.

S&D: Oh isn’t that YUMMY? It’s one of my faves.

CSW: It is now. Hated it before. I think I’m going classy on you.

S&D: Grin. That’s how it works girl…

[severely cut-off portion of IM.]

S&D: I’m notorious for embarrassing friends. Cheap Sweet Wine would probably call it “mushrooming.”

Mrs. Thong: Indian?

S&D: Usually in Indian restaurants.

CSW: S&D is embarrassing in public.

S&D: So did you finally get it MT? About the Indian?

MT: Yeah, but trying to figure out “mushrooming…”

S&D: It happened with CSW over Portabello mushrooms on a particularly good steak.

MT: Coming from CSW, I would expect it to be scre…. something else.

CSW: Hilarious.

S&D: Laughing.

CSW: Waitaminute.

MT: Laughing.

S&D: Well that’s what you get, CSW, for not telling the story your own self.

Drinks the Good Stuff: We’ll have to eat Indian in Indiana.

S&D: Yeah, it was the funniest thing. I took a bite of that mushroom and CSW said something… can’t remember what… but she TOTALLY got it.

CSW: It’s on the blog.

DTGS: WHAT is?

CSW: I said, “Not fakin’ that one, are ya?”

DTGS: We need to write up an explanation of “Going Indian.”

S&D: Laughing.

CSW: You should, DTGS. You’ve seen it more times than I.

S&D: I can’t afford to die first in this friendship. It happens every time too. Ya’ll be sittin ’round at my funeral eating chocolate and toasting me with Roederer and laughing at my gastric orgasms.

CSW: We so need to plan a weekend.

S&D: Damn straight hon. And before I move too.

CSW: I know.

S&D: While we are most of us all there (and you fly up DTGS).

DTGS: I don’t think I can sell flying up for W’s initiation into the Church AND a mommy weekend.

S&D: So we’ll make it the same.

DTGS: Good idea.

S&D: You coming MT?

MT: To?

S&D: [State] for W’s initiation and a mommy weekend.

MT: (Yes, but where?)

CSW: Probably I__.

MT: In August?

CSW: Did W say August?

S&D: You aren’t camping in August are ya?

CSW: August is hot.

S&D: No kidding. Umbrella drinks. Grin.

CSW: You should *never* camp. In August.

DTGS: She said August. And I don’t know if she has Indian.

MT: Yes, August.

DTGS: Thai’ll work too though.

S&D: What are you people… those little white birds in Nemo?

CSW: Laughing.

S&D: August. August. August. August.

CSW: Bitch.

S&D: Thank you. Working at it today. I was entirely too good yesterday; ask MT. I’m having a relapse.

CSW: Laughing.

DTGS: Well I am a very, very good girl….on day seven of a fast.

CSW: Now, DTGS was just telling us before you got here that not a single one of us is allowed a SINGLE RELAPSE on the forums.

S&D: Yes you are a very good girl. Snort.

CSW: Whoa. I’m going to be very good. After tonight.

DTGS: You are a good girl, CSW.

CSW: (waiting for other shoe)

MT: Laughing.

DTGS: Your goodness just doesn’t encompass what you eat and drink at the moment.

Drop.

Exit Swears and Drinks.

DTGS: I think I am going to sign out too.

CSW: No…

DTGS: Okay, I will finish this blog post and then see if you two are still talking.

CSW: Whatcha working on?

DTGS: What you told me to write about.

CSW: Oh good. Okay. I’m getting close to drunk.

MT: Me too.

CSW: Oh, what are you drinking?

DTGS: I hate you both. And am coveting your drinks.

CSW: Ha, Ms. Healthy.

MT: Um, I polished off the Reisling and am now on Pinot Grigio.

CSW: Oh. Had that last night too. The party and all.

MT: I am going to get some of that stuff you are drinking next, CSW. It isn’t red, right?

CSW: Try it! No, white. Gewürztraminer.

MT: Okay, don’t like reds.

MT: How old are you two’s dh’s?

CSW: My TWO husbands?

MT: K and J, goofy!

CSW: Oh, sorry. Grin.

MT: Isn’t DTGS still here? I am drunk. I meant S, not J!

CSW: Right. Unsure on S.

DTGS: DTGS is working on her BlOG.

CSW: Cracking up. Too much wine.

MT: Way too much for me.

CSW: I hear you. Just don’t go biting or hitting. You’ll do fine.

MT: A. is pushing ___. He is not into biting or hitting anymore. <sigh> He needs some sort of something.

CSW: If only they would see a doctor!

MT: Won’t ask a) because of fragile male ego, b) because of possibility it is just age, c) because I would probably never get it again.

CSW: Which we *can not* have. There is a reason we drink.

MT: LOL! Ya know…. People say that menstruation and pain in childbirth was EVE’s punishment … the real punishment is that men’s drive would decline just as ours peaks.

CSW: Laughing.

MT: They don’t tell you THAT in Sunday School.

CSW: That is hilarious; thank God for Viagra then.

DTGS: They don’t call it the missionary position for nothin’.

CSW/MT: Rolling.

CSW: I bet some testosterone would help. I mean, that drops off too.

MT: Where can I buy that? Mexico?

DTGS: No, they have a patch for testosterone; don’t they?

MT: It was a joke.

DTGS: Oh sorry; shutting up now.

MT: Laughing.

CSW: I think they have something.

MT: I wondered at that dead silence, there.

CSW: Sorry had an email at that moment. Seriously, I’d google it. Get him a test. Of course, I could just be peaking.

DTGS: For which your husband is still young enough to be grateful.

CSW: Laughing. Uh. Yeah. He thinks the Catholic church did something to me.

MT: You were _____ before?

CSW: Laughing. Yeah.

DTGS: It did….didn’t it?

MT: It probably did!

DTGS: And I’m thinking he’s not at all ungrateful… Rolling.

CSW: He tells me that I am a Very Good Catholic Girl. Er, no. He is not ungrateful.

MT: Okay. My monitor just about got a mouthful of wine on it. Rolling.

CSW: Do not waste the wine.

DTGS: You two are too funny; I only wish I has some wine to go with yours.

MT: So…. did I tell you two my martial arts news?

CSW: No. Tell.

DTGS: No…do tell.

MT: I will be testing in front of the Grandmaster for my black belt in a few months.

CSW: Amazing!

DTGS: Wonderful!!

CSW: I had no idea you were so… impressive.

DTGS: No kidding.

MT: My current teacher has been great about progressing me and giving me credit for what I already know.

DTGS: Just think of the places we can go if she’s with us.

CSW: Downtown Chicago baby.

MT: Not impressive.

CSW: That’s great, MT. My friend can eat you.

DTGS: Well I am impressed.

CSW: I am too.

MT: Laughing: “My friend can eat you.”

CSW: Well, really.

MT: I have been working toward this for 20 years. I went to a seminar yesterday on Korean martial art weaponry. I have quarter size bruises all over my body and if I never hear the words “nerve cluster” again I will be happy.

CSW: Oh that too is impressive. I guess so. Putting “nerve cluster” on my weird number one.

MT: But it was way fun to come home and get A out of bed and practice what I learned on him. Grinning.

CSW: Oh that is very wifely of you.

MT: He hates it.

DTGS: Laughing.

CSW: Poor man. Gets beat up in his spare time.

MT: Oh, please….. he forces me to listen to him play the same song over and over while he says “Which way is better? Like this? Or this?”

CSW: Oh that’s like being at the Optometrist: “Which is clearer? #1 or #2?”

DTGS: Oh I hate that.

CSW: They’re the friggin’ same!

MT: Exactly!

CSW: Rolling. MT told *me* she could happily kill him with a screwdriver most days.

MT: SOME days, SOME! Laughing.

DTGS: I really need to get some sleep.

MT: I do too.

CSW: You CST people are all the same.

MT: CST?

DTGS: Well then MOVE damn it.

CSW: Central Standard time.

MT: Oh, duh.

CSW: Fine. I will. ‘Night all.

DTGS: You just need some sleep MT. Good night!

---

Site Search Tags: cheap sweet wine, conversation, granny

Rating: Granny

I am laughing wildly exiting the grocery store.

I, Cheap Sweet Wine, have been hit up for wine recommendations. (I can’t even type that without giggling.)

As I check out with my notorious cheap sweet wine, the young cashier says, “Oh. Wow. That’s cheap! You like it? Is it sweet?”

Of course, you see me smiling and nodding my head. “Love it actually and yes, sweet is a requirement.“

The cashier continues, “Because I’m always looking for sweet wine I like. I want to try that Gewurtz…gewurtztr…”

Gewürztraminer. Ah. Not sweet enough for me. But you might like an Ice Riesling.

Cashier: Oh. Not sweet enough… Riesling you say?

No. Ice Wine Riesling. St. Chapelle. Try that. But it’s more expensive. And I still prefer the cheap wine. Seriously.

Now the bagger has to get into it: “I like red wine.”

Oh… sweet? You might try Rosa Regale.

Now if I could only have worked in Nobilo and what I think of that, I could have left the store having reached the end of and shared the whole of my knowledge and lack thereof regarding wine.

Thank you my dear friends; without you, where would that conversation have gone today…

---

Site Search Tags: cheap sweet wine, personal, granny

Rating: Granny

Rating: Granny

Alright girls, fill in any details I didn’t write down. Yes, I took notes — it’s no fun if one of us doesn’t have any Type A tendencies — but I didn’t take enough notes.

Don’t feel bad, Mrs. Thong, that you couldn’t make the weekend. It’s not like we had a bang-up time because in actuality, we had several mellow moments. (okay, we did have a lot of fun.) Well, except for the day I was received into the Church. I was higher than a kite that day. Drinks the Good Stuff set me down and prescribed real wine which I told her I could only drink medicinally so she said “Fine. Drink it medicinally.”

Then over dinner with the dentist and his six children I just knew I was about to start mouthing off, because you know my mouth is uncontrollable when I’m not drinking… The hostess placed the wine bottle in front of my dinner plate and I read “Fancy Wine Name. 14.5% alcohol by content.” Excuse me? I drink cheap sweet wine which is 7.5% which is why I was drinking Drinks the Good Stuff and Swears and Drinks under the table. Long story short, the wine I’d been given in a gallon-sized goblet calmed me down until I realized that I was losing my eyesight and self control could not be far behind.

(What self-control? Now that I think about it, I’d already had Drinks the Good Stuff rifling through my lingerie drawer to bring me stockings to church — I changed my mind twice — and three pairs of shoes.)

We gals all came home that night and stayed up reading CMGW.com out loud. Halfway through, Drinks the Good Stuff says, “Look at this.” There was my name in all it’s un-pseudonym-ed glory in one of our better posts. I am quite certain I’ve not jumped up so fast ever.

What I am most particularly pleased with is that Hot Mama, who was with us for the weekend, likes my wine. She tried DTGS’s Nobilo, my Rosa Regale, and ended up drinking strawberry wine with me. I’m pretty sure DTGS and S&D were suitably appalled. I have my first corruptee.

At the end of reading CMGW.com, DTGS asked Hot Mama if it was as bad as she thought it would be. Hot Mama replied, “Oh no. It’s much worse!”

Hot Mama said that DTGS and S&D were much like she imagined them to be, but that she never imagined me this way — I think she meant funny and outgoing. Really? What do you think Mrs. Thong?

Sunday night we went to a bar — you know the kind with 101 shooters with names you can not say with a straight face or without sunglasses? We perused Silk Panties, Gorilla Tit, Green Chili, Alabama Slammer and … “Vulcan Mind Probe? What’s that?”

Drinks the Good Stuff: One drink and everything you know comes out your mouth.

I said I was coming back with my designated driver.

We discussed drinking at which Swears and Drinks professed that she really doesn’t drink that often, maybe two glasses a month?

I felt obliged to tell her that she just wasn’t using it to its full potential then. I’m a Purpose Driven Drinker. See, at least I read the Psalms. (104:15)

For whatever reason we progressed to beer, which prompted Drinks the Good Stuff to share that she uses a certain type of beer to catch snails. Snail Bait. At this, my jaw dropped and Swears and Drinks quipped “It doesn’t just work on people.”

We discussed blogging and I explained “Flagship Content.” The good stuff we can be a resource for. What people come back for, you see.

As we sat laughing like we were in junior high preparing to go out to eat, I looked at Swears and Drinks and said:

Flagship Content. Tonight I’m gonna get some.

---

Site Search Tags: cheap sweet wine, conversation, granny

Rating: Granny’s Church Panties.
(Exit immediately if you don’t ever struggle with just wanting to KNOW a few things.)

When it comes to plenary indulgences, don’t you wish we had some kind of installed “attachment to sin meter” so you knew just how close you came to qualifying? Seriously. Red for….well perhaps I’ve encountered one too many heretics lately and I’m really low on charity. Fantasizing about gasoline, a match, and a BIG pile of green wood? Yellow for the mundane ordinary temptations like looking at your children and wondering if you should let them live until dinner. Or maybe sell just one of them into slavery? (Don’t you think it would make the other ones shape up?) Green for when you just spent about six hours in Adoration and you’re looking forward to Mass in a couple of hours. I think that would be handy. I know my husband would like it. “Do not mess with me honey. My meter is red and the charity tank doesn’t even have fumes left.” Then at least I would know how partial my plenary indulgence is.

And no. You may not see my meter.

Rating: Granny

Drinks the Good Stuff and Swears and Drinks arrived in one piece and it’s great to be in one city. We had dinner at a little place my cowgirl friend recommended. I’m going back.

During dinner, we all weren’t feeling up to par — it’s a time zone change after all, but Swears and Drinks managed to keep us laughing.

I received a call during dinner which is highly unusual, so I took it. The ladies at dinner heard:

Oh no, I’m just a housewife.

(laughter) Well, I homeschool too. (much laughter)

(raucous laughter) You just made my night. I hope you get a right number next time. Take care.

Swears and Drinks says, “I want your number. You sound like fun.”

But I didn’t hear her, so I asked her to repeat it.

I think the whole restaurant enjoyed hearing her say she wanted my number ’cause I sound like fun.

It’s going to be a good visit.

(The actual call, abbreviated):

Hi, I think this is a wrong number… I’m looking for Dave, he pours concrete.

Oh no, I’m just a housewife.

I don’t think I’d say “just.” Housewife is pretty big job.

(laughter) Well, I homeschool too. (much laughter)

Well now I know that’s a real big job. That’s great. And I’d say that’s much harder than pouring concrete.

(raucous laughter) You just made my night. I hope you get a right number next time. Take care.

---

Site Search Tags: cheap sweet wine, conversation, granny

Rating: Granny

The things I do for you two. (So sorry Mrs. Thong, that you have to miss the get-together this weekend.)

I’m at the grocery picking up my favorite wine. Yes, it’s damn cheap. I won’t even tell you how cheap. I like it. I’m going to buy it. And I’m going through 1.25 bottles every … few …

But as I was leaving the grocery I hear “Hey! Aren’t you Dr. S’s wife?!?”

Yes, I am. And I’m standing here with 5 bottles of cheap sweet wine and Ben & Jerry’s for our weekend.

What am I doing? That boy would buy me anything. Except Dom Perignon. The last time I had champagne I asked if we could add sugar, so at New Year’s when I mentioned trying $100 a bottle Dom, he said, “You are so not worth that. You will not like it and will head back to your $[cheap] wine. Unh-uh.”

You know what, I think he was just getting back at me for the time when we were job interviewing and I asked if the town had fireworks on New Year’s Eve. I said, “It’s also our anniversary. I don’t need fireworks every year, but occasionally it’d be nice.” Yeah — we got the job.

So I head off to the Gourmet Winery for the only quasi-expensive wine I know and like: Rosa Regale.

I instant message Drinks the Good Stuff:

How expensive is good wine? By the glass?

The wine I just picked up is about $9 a glass if I’m drinking it. One bottle, $20. DTGS tells me she’s found wine that’s unknown and still good, cheaper. Like I know these things. DTGS says she will drink anything, but I don’t want to kill her. She’s my daughter’s godmother. S&D is from Texas and I know I can’t kill her.

I had to go to two separate liquor stores to find my second favorite wine. But I will not be the only one without something that can technically be labeled “the good stuff.” I have a semblance of pride, you know.

Then again, maybe not.

---

Site Search Tags: cheap sweet wine, granny